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Introducing the Whisper Chipper, (tm) by Troy Built.
Don't allow yourself
to be embalmed when you die. Be Whisper Chipped. It's so easy and the
Earth will thank you many times over.
The way it is today, dead people are either filled with harsh, non-
environmental friendly chemicals and then stuffed into a box that may take hundreds
or even thousands of years to decompose. Or they are fried to a crisp which
just adds more carbon and heat to the surface of the planet along with
Either way the food chain does not benefit from these two methods and
now there is something that each of us can do that will benefit the whole of
society. Plus it doesn't even cost a lot of money. You pay pennies per
pound. The average deceased costs only $22 to be Whisper Chipped.
The Whisper Chipper has 316 stainless steel, rotating blades that stay
sharp. After a day of using the Whisper Chipper the blades will still
slice a tomato, it's guaranteed.
Here's how one plan works: A quarter acre (at a time) of a large
cemetary/park is cordoned off and the ground is tilled to several feet. A
determined number of pounds of flesh is Whisper Chipped over the prepared
soil and then the earth is tilled over for later growth of plants on ground that is
rich in nutrients. A New section is then prepared and so on, the process
Butchers would be standing by as the cadaver is sent through the metal detectors in order to spot and remove that
metal plate that aunt
Tilda had in her head, keeping the Chipper blades sharp and unbroken.
A wall structure that also serves as a bench holds the
names of the departed (if wished) and a fitting slogan (such as 'lights
worked, horn didn't') could be added. Each corpse could have their own engraving including the date of
departure unless wishing to remain anonymous..
.There would be a party area in the park in order to honor the
Bird populations flourish in Whisper Chipper areas and neighboring cats
are well fed from what they can grab.
Road kill and those animals put to death by the humane society could easily be mixed
with human remains saving the county a ton of money.
Nature intended for us to
give something back to the planet and this is just one good way of showing
Her that we care.
And just hose the Whisper Chipper out at the end of the day and presto,
it's as clean as when you started.
What could be simpler? -Rod
P.S. There are a few alternate plans along these same lines, all
contributing to the planet instead of hiding from it. After all, this
planet feeds us all of our life and WHAT, we don't even give it the
courtesy of being shit on. Pity. But now, thanks to the Troy Built,
Whisper Chipper, that's all in the past.
(The Tomahawk Chopper by Troy Built is an alternative for your least liked
relatives and loved ones.)
remember to leave the FUN in Funeral