[an error occurred while processing this directive] ZEPHYR Magazine
                              T H E
                           Z E P H Y R
                  __     M A G A Z I N E
                 Issue #19                6-21-86
            A weekly electronic magazine for users of 
                        THE ZEPHYR II BBS 
                    (Mesa, AZ - 602-894-6526)
                owned and operated by T. H. Smith
                    Editor - Gene B. Williams 
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                            (c) 1986

   It's miscellaneous time again! (Ahhh, memories of the Rovin'
days - see Issue #13 if you don't know what I mean.)
  Some strange things happen in this crazy world of ours.

                            ROVIN' #1

  A burglar in New Hyde Park, NY got a bit too wary. Instead 
of taking the time to try to open the safe at a gas station he
was robbing, he used an explosive to blow off the door.
  The blast didn't just blow off the door - it also incinerated
all the money inside. According to police, the burglar got away
with a couple of dollars, if even that much.

  In Osage, MO, an armed robber went into a bait store, took
all the money, etc. from 4 people there, and then glued them
to the floor.

  In Fort Worth a 22-year-old woman found herself to be pregnant
with a 16-week-old fetus. As an attempt at abortion, she fired
a .22 into her stomach. The bullet missed the fetus, but put 
her in the hospital. Assitant District Attorney, Steve Chaney,
was reported as saying, "If we can get away from the fact that she
shot herself, what she did was no different from someone who used
a more traditional method to abort a baby."

  A fancy hotel in San Francisco had a somewhat unwelcome guest
visit the ladies' room. Employees went in to clean the bathroom
and found a 45 pound octopus firmly gripping the floor.
  It took 6 employees with broomsticks to pry the frightened 
animal loose. Once they got it up, it was taken to the Steinhart
Aquarium in the Golden Gate Park.

  A story from Little Rock, Arkansas - dating to July of 1980 -
tells of an unusual hitchhiker who has baffled the local police.
  A well-dressed man is seen hitchhiking along the main highways.
Once picked up, he tells the benefactors of the second coming
of Jesus - and promptly disappears.
  No, he doesn't ask them to stop so he can get out. He just

  An AP story from Sparks, Nevada tells of a local newspaper 
editor - Jan Higginbotham - who was doing a bit of investigative
reporting, and who found a surprise.
  She was looking through lists of 30 suspects of prostitution
from the FBI and the IRS. On that list was her own name. Also
on the list was the name of the wife of the local Chief of 
  Further study revealed that both the FBI and IRS lists had 
been compiled - apparently at random - by examining the records
of examinations given by the doctor who examines the prostitutes
at the Mustang Ranch brothel. The doctor had refused to list
separately which of his clients were which - so the two agencies
just took it from there.

  The Illinois State Prison officials found themselves facing a
touchy situation. One of their male inmates, arrested in Chicago
for theft, was 75% of the way through a sex change operation. 
About all that remained to be done was the removal of his (her?)
male sex characteristics.
  After a medical exam, the inmate was moved to the Dwight
Correctional Center for Women. 

  San Quentin had a different sort of problem a few years ago. 
After one of the usual head counts, they found that not only 
was everyone there - they had one too many.
  Eventually they tracked it down to a guy who had broken into
jail to spread the gospel.
  Two members of an ambulance team in St. Louis were suspended
after stopping for a pizza while on an emergency run with a

                            ROVIN' #2
  Danya Padilla of Montclair, NJ, has come out with a wonderful
invention for people who hate to exercise. She sells t-shirts
and sweatshirts with permanently built-in and wet looking sweat 

  A Texas man found out that his dog had an incurable disease.
He couldn't bring himself to let the vet put his lifelong
friend to sleep, and he didn't have the heart to shoot the 
dog himself. So, he tied a stick of dynamite to the dog's tail,
lit it, and went back in the house.
  The dog broke the rope and trotted into the house, just in 
time for the dynamite to go off.

  An official government report from the Phillipines says that
eating a cup of termites per day will make a man more macho and
a better fighter. (The same report advises that the termite
eaters cook the termites before gobbling them down.)

  I'm not sure of the city, but a short while back in some Mexican
village, a local policeman accidentally shot an innocent bystander.
The citizens were so upset that they stormed into the city hall 
and forced the mayor to eat 12 pounds of bananas.

  Remember that old Johnny Cash song, "A Boy Named Sue"? It's
based on fact.
  The person is Sue K. Hicks, who happens to have been the 
assistant prosecutor in the 1925 Scopes "monkey trial." He was
named after his mother.

  Talk about a computer foul-up:
  The brand new Lutheran Brotherhood Building - a 17-story
insurance office building in Minneapolis - was about to be 
finished off. What was needed was 12,056 panes of specially 
hardened and copper-toned glass. This was to come from a 
plant in Pittsburgh (The Pittsburgh Plate Glass Co.). Due
to a computer error every pane was precisely 3 inches too
long. Since, due to its nature, the glass couldn't be cut
to the correct size, it all had to be trashed and replaced.

  Or how about accuracy in scientific predictions?
  In the 19th century German scientists "proved" that if 
trains went faster than 15 miles per hour the passengers
would suffocate in tunnels, and would have blood pouring
from their nostrils at all times if the train exceeded that
"frightful" speed.

  A scientist has been fired by Standard Oil for discovering
that there is enough oil in the ground to last at present
consumption rates for at least 2,000 years.

  For you guys, the next time you shave, show a little respect
for your beard.
  A whisker grows at a rate of 5 1/2 inches per year (.015 inches
per day), or a total of 27 1/2 feet for the 75 year life expectancy
of the average American male. An average shave yields about 65 mg
of whisker, for a total of about a pound after 16 years.
  Your beard covers about 0.3 sq. ft. and contains approximately 
15,500 whiskers. When dry they have about the same strength as 
copper wire of the same size.
  Statistically, more women shave with a blade than men, and
women begin shaving at an earlier age.

                            ROVIN' #3

  The next time you pay your auto insurance, show -them- a bit
of respect, too. They have a hard time dealing with the excuses
their clients give as to the cause of accidents.
  "The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of 
times before I hit him."
  "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."
  "An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and
  "The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to
swerve out of its path when it struck my front end."
  "I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my
mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."
  "The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I
ran over him."
  "I saw a slow moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced
off the hood of my car."
  "The other car collided with mine without giving any warning
of its intentions."
  "To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck
the pedestrian."
  "Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with
a tree I didn't have."
  "I was on my way to the doctor with rear-end trouble when my
universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident."

  The Oklahoma State Insurance Company Commissioner lost a bet
to his Arkansas counterpart over a football game. As a result,
he had to wear a red plastic pig on his head all day.
  His private secretary was quoted as saying, "I break up 
every time I see him. I haven't been able to take dictation
all day."

Stuck a feather in his cap . . .
  Ah, yes. Yankee Doodle Dandy. An American great. Quite a few
people know that the song came to us during the American Revolution
as a song sung to the American troops by the British to ridicule
  What most people don't realize is that the song (the music to it)
began 1000 years ago as a church song in Italy. It was so popular
that the people put words to it and started to sing it in the fields
to amuse themselves.
  By the time Shakespeare came along, it had "degenerated" into
a nursery rhyme.
  Ever hear the song, "Sarah Sylvia Cynthia Stout" by Shel
Silverstein? It might have been based on a true incident. 
  A woman was arrested for keeping 12 tons of garbage in her
house. The house was so full that it took police some time
before they found a refrigerator and 3 stoves buried in the
  Her 13-year-old son testified that his mother had simply
put boards over the layers so they could move around in the

  America isn't the only place where things get weird.

  In England, an escaped mental patient was cornered, and a 
trained police dog was sent in. Trouble was, the dog kinda 
liked the guy and settled in to stay. When the police came in
later, the dog attacked them.
  In Argentina a guy sat down to a lamb dinner with his father-
in-law - only to find out afterwards that it wasn't lamb at
all but dog. The man was so upset that he threatened to kill
everyone; and then to appease his anger, strangled 40 chickens,
cut the throats of 3 mules and 3 cows, shot 6 more mules dead,
tromped on and otherwise broke some 1200 eggs and then set
fire to his father-in-law's house and truck.

  But back in South Carolina - a man sat down to have a chicken
sandwich and found a chicken neck. He pulled out a gun, shot 3
people, set fire to the store and the cook's packhouse, then
went out and set fire to the cook's mother's house.

  Speaking of food - my source doesn't list the city, but it
does tell of a guy who got arrested for concealing evidence.
A health inspector came by. This guy plucked a fly from a bowl
of cream and ate it - thus concealing evidence. The hard way.

  While in Oakland, California a woman (Velma Revels) is suing
Kwik-Way because she ordered a hamburger and fries and ended
up getting a hamburger and french fried mouse. 


  You're welcome to contribute. Just PLEASE be sure that the
story or item you submit is legitimate. For this end, I'll
want its source, and preferably the exact wording.
  Everything you saw in this week's issue came from newspaper
clippings, by the way. (If you can trust the newspapers.)

  We're -still- getting a (in my opinion) low response, 
considering all the work that goes into getting a new magazine
out to you each week.
  Consider this a challenge. Just TRY to do an issue even once;
or to get a real feel for it, try to knock out an issue every
week while going to school or holding down a full-time job.
  From some users, the only time I hear from them is if weekly
issues are threatened - or as a complaint that a particular
issue isn't exactly what they want to read.
  Okay. So it's boring to hear it again and again that my "pay"
is exclusively the response on the board. But turn it around.
Imagine how boring it is for me to have to be leaving little
reminders like this. To put it bluntly - IT GETS FRUSTRATING!!!
to crank these issues out week after week, only to have the
same 3 people respond, with the only input from others, "Ah,
Gee, why don't you do something else?" (and no suggestions as
to just what).

  So one more time - if you like to see a new issue go up each 
week, take part! That participation can be in the form of a 
contribution to the magazine, or it can be the traditional
"subscription rate" of bringing in a new user. (If you do, PLEASE
let me know. Right about now I need to know.)
  Spread the word. Zephyr's number is 602-894-6526. Try to do
an issue some time and you'll realize just how little is being
asked of you in return.

Next Week?
  If you couldn't tell, I'm more than a little frustrated right
now about the lack of response and participation (and maybe
  So next week? 
  Do I need to bother?
  Maybe monthly would be enough?

  Sorry (to the 3 regular respondees) for the state of depression.

Zephyr Magazine is © Gene Williams. All rights reserved.